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Las Meninas Pooch Celebrated

NEW YORK—All across the state, human art lovers emerged from their coffee shops and graduate school programs for a fresh look at Spanish painter Diego Velázquez’s masterpiece, Las Meninas, after a recent article in Bark Forum, the canine-art world’s journal of record, revealed shocking new information about the centuries old painting: It was painted by a Dachshund. In fact, the Mastiff shown sleeping in the corner was probably the true artist’s assistant.

According to the article, which quotes extensively from Velázquez’s long-lost diary, Velázquez’s beloved Dachshund, Señor Patches, painted most of the Spanish master’s
late-period canvases.

Apparently, Señor Patches fell in love with painting as a puppy. While most dogs were learning how to roll over and shake hands, Patches was perfecting his chiascurro shading. At first Velázquez thought it was cute, watching this floppy-eared puppy mix pigments and struggle to develop a singularly objective portrayal of the world around him. But eventually Velázquez saw the opportunity and started taking credit for Patches’ work.

No one in 17th century Spain suspected Velázquez of his fraud. El Greco thought something was amiss after a heated argument with Patches over the transcendentalism of light, but he just couldn’t put his finger on it.

At the exhibit, people are beginning to see not only the painting in a new light but also the talents and abilities of the dogs around them. “I had no idea dogs were capable of such depth of feeling,” said one rapt human onlooker. “I’m going to remember this the next time my Pug is humping my leg.”