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Catnip Pyramid Scheme Sends Pooch to Pound

OGDEN—A well-known Yorkie was sentenced Friday to three months in a high-security federal kennel for fleecing friends and business associates in what authorities labeled a get-rich-quick plot gone awry. Pepe, the 6-year-old Toy Yorkshire Terrier, had no comment as he was led away by leash after the trial.

“The community is in shock,” said LuLu, a bewildered Miniature Poodle who lives in the condo complex of the accused. “Everyone knows Pepe. We can’t believe he’d be involved in something like this.”

Unfortunately, the details of Pepe’s crime were all too real. According to court documents, the Yorkie created a fake offshore company to import “Trembler,” the street name for a highly potent catnip from Guatemala. Pepe then set out to find unwitting canines to provide “seed” money for his phony business. “A sniff of the behind and a wag of the tail were all Pepe needed to dupe his victims,” commented lead investigator Jack Harding, who testified at the four-week trial. “This Yorkie was smooth—silky smooth.”

Pepe’s doghouse of cards came crashing down after one of his victims attempted to phone the import company, only to discover the number was for a dog groomer in Tijuana. Authorities obtained a warrant and wired a Pug, who met Pepe at a local dog park. Pepe promised the Pug would be “a rich bitch” after investing in his company. At that point, the police closed in and made the arrest.