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Oregon Dog Wishes to See All the Colors of the Rainbow

SALEM—Ralph the Bulldog has seen enough, or not enough, as the case may be. After years of hearing his owners’ endless “Ahhhhhs” over spring rainbows, Ralph is fed up. “The rest of the world gets to see a glorious rainbow; I get to see a glorious mess. Just a bunch of murky bands arching across the sky. It sucks,” the disgruntled Bulldog growled.

Born color sight challenged (like all dogs), Ralph maintains that mere heredity will never stop him from pursuing his dream. “God made me color challenged so I could hunt better. But come on, when’s the last time you saw a Bulldog pull down a gazelle?” Ralph opined. “All I hunt now are crumbs and the occasional behind to sniff. So I don’t think evolving to be able to see all the colors of the rainbow is too much to ask for.” Ralph also pointed out that “God” spelled backward is “dog.”

While his chances of ever seeing that full-spectrum rainbow are slim, Ralph does have a plan. “I’m thinking that if I get hit by lightning, that might do the trick. Just have to pee on a lamppost at the right moment, and zap, bang, boom; I’ll be set.”