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Dog Didn’t Violate Tree-Marking Agreement, Probe Finds

FT COLLINS—A probe to determine whether a Chihuahua violated a tree-marking agreement came to a surprising end when the dog’s owner became the main suspect after he was seen relieving himself on an electrical fence located near the crime scene. Shock waves were sent through the canine community, as well as through the owner.

A urine sample was taken from the electrical fence and examined at the Kologlu Crime Laboratory, known for its accurate and timely processing. The urine test dubbed “Goldie” has caused much controversy due to the lab’s method of using goldfish to detect the differences (if any) in the pH balance of samples. In a remarkable turn of events, the urine was discovered to be a 99.9% match for the urine taken from the oak tree in question. “This was a classic case of ’when you gotta go, you gotta go,” said Detective Jill Olson. “Luckily, he ‘go’ed’ all over.”

Iggy the Chihuahua was relieved to be relieved of the charge of relieving himself on the oak tree. “I’ve always maintained my innocence throughout the proceedings,” said Iggy. “I just feel really bad for my owner. My thoughts and prayers are with him.” Local Pug, Roger, a key witness in the probe, felt the same way. “From day one, I told them they were barking up the wrong tree. I’m glad this is over and that Iggy can finally lay this puppy to rest.”

Iggy was charged with relieving himself on a tree located in a no-pee zone. He faced up to two years in a maximum security kennel (that’s 14 in dog years).