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TALLAHASSEE—It was a somber scene Thursday morning when the Feldman family and their beloved Boston Terrier, Ace, laid to rest his Holey Dawg! plush toy, Hugh, in the backyard near the tool shed. “We started to cremate him, but the toxic fumes from the burning polyester filling started to bring tears to our eyes. We ended up going for a proper burial in our trash can,” said Katie Feldman, Ace’s owner.
Ace was silent as the remains of the plush toy were lowered into the can. Family Poodle friend Sonny attended the ceremony and remembered the first day Ace received the plush, furry, donut-shaped dog toy. “He took an instant liking to Hugh, gouging its eyes out in the first five minutes,” said Sonny. “It was definitely a match made in doggy heaven and plush-toy hell.”
Another witness to the daily toy torture was neighborhood Miniature Schnauzer, Bosco. “Not a day went by that Ace didn’t give that toy a damn good thrashing,” Bosco chuckled as he shook his head in disbelief. “We’re talking Spanish Inquisition stuff here.”
The memorial service closed with the presentation of a new toy to Ace—a pink dancing-hippo squeaky toy— which Ace immediately decapitated.
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